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钱钟书:南北内斗算什么,真的地图炮就要对准全世界

即使在迷人的民国知识分子行列里b3955eed02c3ef0cb9da9577ff31d141,钱钟书也算是幽默到近乎刻薄8b219a46d25ba0163b2ef043d06dd2518ea44b25,又刻薄得极其可爱的一位d5708ff3eef4cc99ec53eba0d59decb6ca5782921b7d9d6057e826a18461c03d

XjVhMzU0ZDhjZDYwZTU=

和许多还在南北差异、城乡文化的小视野里绕圈子的年轻文人不同MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmzjs6D3LiUjnqam756iKywy6mi,出身于书香世家8dfd7de354f28ac289f2657d4c7c946f,毕业于清华大学和牛津大学的钱钟书KjVhMzU0ZDhjZGQ2MTA=,在1947年出版的《围城》里3b70f8528a6c1951ddc17828f640634c3a3f8ccd,就已经用一支笔纵横东西bd45ec95c8b00ab7585d43f76387f423930c563f。《围城》不单将中国现代知识分子的众生相刻画得入木三分MDAwMDAwMDAwMHqjjs6D3LiUjnqam756iGa8262i,对欧美日各国也是毫不留情NWEzNTRkOGNkZGEyNQ==,大开嘲讽98f675f23a52949bebaa0d68b816b45dc099a3ffJjVhMzU0ZDhjZDYyM2U=

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内容来源于钱钟书《围城》b98d272fcd625c4707e3d94b3ae749ae7dfc21e6

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鲍小姐生长澳门1735c9e84ffe64486962bccd46ec8a9ecdb37817,据说身体里有葡萄牙人的血6104b646bf7f7f17a7ed89459c06408b7b40023c3937f5327f8284219c8a854a

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“葡萄牙人的血”这句话等于日本人说有本位文化MDAwMDAwMDAwMHp9js6D3LiUjnqam756iZ2wqLGi,或私行改编外国剧本的作者声明他改本“有著作权2c080042227f63abd1af98cfbbd80f5a9ed4a255,不许翻译”b385cf9910a996ea9a347baec6ae7bc3。因为葡萄牙人血里根本就混有中国成分KjVhMzU0ZDhjZTc4MmQ=。而照鲍小姐的身材估量MDAwMDAwMDAwMH6QfeCEtrXPg32AnL56jZ29sqGi,她那位葡萄牙母亲也许还间接从西班牙传来阿拉伯人的血胤MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam76Hmmex27miMDAwMDAwMDAwMHqjjs6D3LiUjnqam753mq2ypbGi

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法国人在国际上的绰号是“虾蟆”bbdcbb17e30df7133ce54297aceab3a9d847a90c,真正名副其实MDAwMDAwMDAwMHqjjs6D3LiUjnqam756jKux28-i,可惊的是添了一团凶横的兽相MDAwMDAwMDAwMHp9js6D3LiUjnqam76Hmmi9qLGi。上海这地方比得上希腊神话里的魔女岛JTVhMzU0ZDhjZGUzYzI=,好好一个人来了就会变成畜生MDAwMDAwMDAwMH6QfeCEtrXPg32AnbJlgGSysqGi。至于那安南巡捕更可笑了cd7c67de1e4782cbc2f93a9a08c3ed47d572f586。东方民族没有像安南人地样形状委琐不配穿制服的ITVhMzU0ZDhjZTdmMmY=。日本人只是腿太短c3b649020cbac99603ffebea2c6a66a202527e41,不宜挂指挥刀014c526cbf6c3d988491050853c8f745。安南人鸠形鹄面091db14a72378261074a5409a7d9e03d,皮焦齿黑bbc6c19f8a1fa9e0317223e5ad1bf2a1,天生的鸦片鬼相eb441c4744d938d2a5f13a73c344cc113ab1e7da,手里的警棍NWEzNTRkOGNkZWFlYw==,更像一支鸦片枪44745de449b9c4bc3fd82530402e327c12dc984112e7ad94224ff6a62b486bc34d51f792

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● 《围城》剧照 方鸿渐145d98ea071775e74398aa915506eda378f88f4d

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方鸿渐吃韩家的晚饭306902979ae7d07fb13e23a6e97896cb2f7e06ae,甚为满意MDAwMDAwMDAwMHujjs6D3LiUjnqam76Hnqywk62i。韩学愈虽然不说话JjVhMzU0ZDhjZGVkYmQ=,款客的动作极周到;韩太太虽然相貌丑JDVhMzU0ZDhjZGVmMjA=,红头发2e55626425374056ceadeaf2b84fce2190111727,满脸雀斑MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam756kKq8y72i,像面饼上苍蝇下的粪XjVhMzU0ZDhjZGYzMzY=,而举止活泼得通了电似的b0febbd1dcc8232c731a65016e47fdfe396ee77aa88a2b97fcbd314e8e3cddbcf2ff7f0c

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鸿渐研究出西洋人的丑跟中国人不同:中国人丑得像造物者偷工减料的结果e037e1b1c0b17cf786b29438000d69dd,潦草塞责的丑;西洋人丑得像造物者恶意的表现91302df354978521cda90334b493096a,存心跟脸上五官开玩笑MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam756kGWxy7mi,所以丑得有计划c6ce3b57fe49c3a1222a3681bfad1c788995b537,有作用5a48b88e5300e35c409d990e911b7bebf6d86e04。韩太太口口声声爱中国JDVhMzU0ZDhjZGZhNDU=,可是又说在中国起居服食ffe6683029168b3842c783bbfc7975c2feda3ac0,没有在纽约方便KjVhMzU0ZDhjZTg3ODI=f1a0817eecedb74952009cd3304a330f

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  -+-JDVhMzU0ZDhjZDhmNzM=

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那些学生虽然外国文不好MDAwMDAwMDAwMH6QfeCEtrXPg32AnL6ghKu8yKGi,卷子上写的外国名字很神气MDAwMDAwMDAwMHqjjs6D3LiUjnqam76Hnma8k7mi。有的叫亚利山大bbc27a783f6f8b00a5d83b804bc2c372,有的叫伊利沙白b8959a0c1915dc752aa451a3b00f959db34fa742,有的叫迭克MDAwMDAwMDAwMHp9js6D3LiUjnqam76HeKqwuLmi,有的叫“小花朵”(Florrie)KjVhMzU0ZDhjZTAyN2E=,有的人叫“火腿”(Bao)MDAwMDAwMDAwMHqjjs6D3LiUjnqam76HeKy8262i,因为他中国名字叫“培根”fd04656d3620c4bd7763905b0f2fda24896dcea9。一个姓黄名伯仑的学生f4c9e2f5b05271fe5b4d9f660b98a118,外国名字是诗人“摆伦”(Byro)fd68214daddcc67ef87c80a3ea1db09f,辛楣见了笑道:“假使他姓张ffae86a2c9b3e4a3eaeb24979f1ac805,他准叫英国首相张伯伦(hamberlai);假使他姓齐cea04fe2155d62ef3a29e4fd1713c92e32d668ac,他会变成德国飞机齐伯林(Zeppeli)ITVhMzU0ZDhjZTBhZTU=,甚至他可以叫拿坡仑03d999a4ae90e40161bc7ff0b547a926,只要中国有跟‘拿’字声音相近的姓JDVhMzU0ZDhjZThiZTI=。”鸿渐说74bf52fb47c19cd62f74fdd8b59590e583e60198,中国人取外国名字MDAwMDAwMDAwMHqNjs6D3LiUjnqam76HeZ69y7mi,使他常想起英国的猪和牛7896a40ff27cc5ec94507524d62b29dfb1f09352,它的肉一上菜单就换了法国名称21b76fd46c3d54fde6ce555a2fab15ebefb5a7c4706ad875b1c8f540bf89d7dce0fedd91

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● 《围城》剧照 赵辛楣JTVhMzU0ZDhjZDk5MzM=

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这位张先生是浙江沿海人73bbdc05b97248c612c766910c61578f,名叫吉民237ca00a437683e4c5df1d646da80133,但他喜欢人唤他 Jimmy4c0f8a0d7e93c1c4baa3d0d746d1e7c7。他在美国人花旗洋行里做了二十多年的事682262490cee05be05eba47fd011c7e6d6535c33,从“写字”(小书记)升到买办0b17ee7a712160386d911ec8b53d9438c5a0fec6,手里着实有钱MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam76Hn6Cwtb2i。只生一个女儿ef94c4bb29ac3a0ebd0b68a935de8a62,不惜工本地栽培423b60cfa8f980e3129a7789ea70c80a468b7cb9,教会学校里所能传授熏陶的洋本领、洋习气08f628eb7877e7f89d4ab8bbe597e5e1,美容院理发铺所能制造的洋时髦、洋姿态JDVhMzU0ZDhjZTFiN2E=,无不应有尽有KjVhMzU0ZDhjZTkxNzg=XjVhMzU0ZDhjZGExMDY=

到了张家XjVhMzU0ZDhjZTFjZjc=,张先生热闹地欢迎道:“Hello! Doctor 方ITVhMzU0ZDhjZTFlNTA=,好久不见!”张先生跟外国人来往惯了MDAwMDAwMDAwMHujjs6D3LiUjnqam76HfZ-ytcui,说话有个特征——也许在洋行、青年会、扶轮社等圈子里JTVhMzU0ZDhjZTIwZjg=,这并没有什么奇特——喜欢中国话里夹无谓的英文字QDVhMzU0ZDhjZTkzMDI=6b45a0b199a84725a0fcfccd27db778c

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他并无中文难达的新意b3c2c31b622edcf7e6435fdc00efacbd77ffa892,需要借英文来讲;所以他说话里嵌的英文字MDAwMDAwMDAwMIijjs6D3LiUjnqam76HgKy8262i,还比不得嘴里嵌的金牙8fb6d24799f9dc82b3cfdf76a82ddcbd,因为金牙不仅妆点MDAwMDAwMDAwMH6QfeCEtrXPg32AnbGdjGax2KGi,尚可使用MDAwMDAwMDAwMHujjs6D3LiUjnqam76HgGW9pbmi,只好比牙缝里嵌的肉屑NWEzNTRkOGNlMjk2Nw==,表示饭菜吃得好MDAwMDAwMDAwMHqjjs6D3LiUjnqam76HgGi8y62i,此外全无用处0db99d5f42e51d42a8aa66a184b39226c77f4fa1b22b8594a2fa903845e94b3bc128c85c

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他仿美国人读音KjVhMzU0ZDhjZTJjMzY=,维妙维肖b746cb521c86767bd9d9af9d58e1fb63,也许鼻音学得太过火了MDAwMDAwMDAwMIF9js6D3LiUjnqam76HgZ69pa2i,不像美国人5d0b0b322bbba3a7493598996e751557b3dd902b,而像伤风塞鼻子的中国人46da1cec7ba4216a570862add2d4c680f314a0cc。他说 "very well" 二字MDAwMDAwMDAwMHqNjs6D3LiUjnqam76HhKqytb2i,声音活像小洋狗在咕噜——"vurry wul" dd6e66061d6554d130fda312e6b58ee2。可惜罗马人无此耳福ITVhMzU0ZDhjZTMyZDc=,否则决不单说 R 是鼻音的狗字母631b5ac00ac932289b830159c23ba57b89b6b69b。当时张先生跟鸿渐拉手0fced4c9a5b29114f32fbbf7a0a15a91,问他是不是天天“Go downtown”23e1602fe1a0d23191d89c714e9f33faQDVhMzU0ZDhjZGE3YTM=

QDVhMzU0ZDhjZGE5MWU=

鸿渐寒喧已毕XjVhMzU0ZDhjZTM1N2Q=,瞧玻璃橱里都是碗、瓶、碟子a8ca1deb87200cc1817dc05affbd1f91ce543e47,便说:“张先生喜欢收藏磁器?”efcee9a6b912a68a228d893ff3c2a69a

“Sure! Have a look see!” 张先生打开橱门fa39e1e19a3e326aacd4f60c0def3c20,请鸿渐赏鉴MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmzjs6D3LiUjnqam76Ho5u9pcui。鸿渐拿了几件MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam76HhGeytb2i,看都是“成化”、“宣德”、“康熙”7d6535cd25adf055db5c165a046968fb,也不识真假MDAwMDAwMDAwMH6QfeCEtrXPg32AnbFlgGW82KGi,只好说:“这东西很值钱罢?”fb7a29c860a2712fe934d71a7e76e8a4

“Sure! 值不少钱呢fd2356e8e9de77a452b8206ba7cc68c910a7e320,plenty of doughMDAwMDAwMDAwMHp9js6D3LiUjnqam76Ho52xpcei。并且这东西不比书画4ee575b928689f41a09b8b0f9b9a51eba774f941。买书画买了假的a52b8e9627f909b8be5fe9fe2fe3cf9fe180e761,一文不值83dd31a2041e4b7233709742d9381076,只等于 waste papera2bac2144622d4c155f05cf1f3689595。磁器假的QDVhMzU0ZDhjZTQxYzI=,至少还可以盛饭0582e17fdaf9ef93d58d546cfa826dad7bcfbd76。我有时请外国 friends 吃饭89e80689d0099ebad506019e8174f27103266f98,就用那个康熙窑 '油底蓝五彩' 大盘做 saladdishc4b15026973cba1455b3dd7f818c6180,他们都觉得古色古香MDAwMDAwMDAwMIF9js6D3LiUjnqam76HiGOyuLWi,菜的味道也有点 old-timeddf8bfbb2610f04174bd891f34ba83024f944800。”JjVhMzU0ZDhjZGFjZWQ=

方鸿渐道:“张先生眼光一定好XjVhMzU0ZDhjZTQ3MjE=,不会买假东西5eef31754d95453780843b5325adf8ce1f6505d2。”QDVhMzU0ZDhjZGFlMmM=

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● 《围城》剧照MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam756gGSxuKmi

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张先生大笑道:“我不懂什么年代花纹MDAwMDAwMDAwMIijjs6D3LiUjnqam76HiGaxzq2i,事情忙7b2a08dc54197cc6c4f20c32a14ba695,也没工夫翻书研究ed3bad9843b020e58346f7fa7a028688。可是我有 hunch;看见一件东西MDAwMDAwMDAwMIijjs6D3LiUjnqam76HiZuwqLmi,忽然 what d' you call 灵机一动IzVhMzU0ZDhjZTRjNzY=,买来准 O.K.MDAwMDAwMDAwMHp9js6D3LiUjnqam76KfGSxqK2i。他们古董掮客都佩服我c65fceaf25057d4e8d6fb84144f31a7e,我常对他们说: '不用拿假货来 fool 我b73d58c23144b8ce04733169588f9d3c6fc6c632。O yeaha67d394f204867be07cf769c7565bac321eac423,我姓张的不是 suckere8004be2d4764ff74c74648c8e82c846,休想骗我!' ”关上橱门bae425805de820feaff2bfc6888b21f373a8e5b6,又说:“咦JTVhMzU0ZDhjZTUzNTE=,headache——”便捺电铃叫用人XjVhMzU0ZDhjZWE4YzU=MDAwMDAwMDAwMIijjs6D3LiUjnqam756gGix27Gi

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张太太上海话比丈夫讲得好KjVhMzU0ZDhjZTU0OTg=,可是时时流露本乡土音b3a201b88e960c57aeb597a21aacba37,仿佛罩褂太小6dab4245142965fc61373d7dad73e00155a6c55a,遮不了里面的袍子KjVhMzU0ZDhjZWE5ZmU=。张太太信佛XjVhMzU0ZDhjZTU4N2M=,自说天天念十遍“白衣观世音咒”XjVhMzU0ZDhjZTVhMGE=,求菩萨保佑中国军队打胜;又说这观音咒灵验得很MDAwMDAwMDAwMIijjs6D3LiUjnqam76HjZuxzqmi,上海打仗最紧急时4557899242b8fe8bd2c0f6bdf8b88736,张先生到外滩行里去办公9579d93f57cc1fcd128b23d990b3d4b3,自己在家里念MDAwMDAwMDAwMIF9js6D3LiUjnqam76HjZ-827mi,果然张先生从没遭到流弹JDVhMzU0ZDhjZWFiM2M=。鸿渐暗想享受了最新的西洋徉学设备b21cf1cdaf83c8cd3d16bee3c87cad93,而竟抱这种信爷09a13d27c47bba625f085cf10797c9dd,坐在热水管烘暖的客堂里念佛JDVhMzU0ZDhjZTYzYmU=,可见“西学为用MDAwMDAwMDAwMHujjs6D3LiUjnqam76HkGOwpcui,中学为体”并非难事MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam76KfZyypbWi676f2a7bdbf6b991ac845494132f010658dfb74b

JTVhMzU0ZDhjZGM1OGQ=

他和张小姐没有多少可谈MDAwMDAwMDAwMHujjs6D3LiUjnqam76HkGSxpbmi,只好问她爱看什么电影d3ece0965326fa12bbbec69dec3983b5。跟着两个客人来了1871eff0b9f09f0ca40fa4ae1527a5ff,都是张先生的结义弟兄MDAwMDAwMDAwMH6QfeCEtrXPg32Anb2KjKyxsqGi。一个叫陈士屏9b100b65accd04a2d571db0eacdfd0c4,是欧美烟草公司的高等职员MDAwMDAwMDAwMIijjs6D3LiUjnqam76HkGiwy62i,大家唤他Z.B.0aeb94f2aa09d0545a5742de59d0bb3d,仿佛德文里“有例为证”的缩写QDVhMzU0ZDhjZWIwNjI=。一个叫丁讷生e161f1ccfe40ecccb58c37636fb0426d866bd4de,外国名字倒不是诗人Tennyson而是海军大将Nelson527cba5ac59f6d2e9c0f62df483b5a87,也在什么英国轮船公司做事ad475b712f338302743d7522986a4a3e67477fbe00e595c5a5fd9f9bbaf6e260ed2fbb4db140d9c0

f93575a1c87e3e9d5f9aedd68c2ec218

 9cc5d2f604a47d33a9c6d84c5373c6a30d5a79f0

 MDAwMDAwMDAwMHmNjs6D3LiUjnqam756hZuxpcei

——内容节选自《围城》ITVhMzU0ZDhjZGNjOTc=

1947年上海晨光出版公司初版9f894dfb8af054d104b90edcb96a02c8,1980年作者重新修订KjVhMzU0ZDhjZGNkZTM=

6ad9f8fbc6fb59654115a367f30f20d8

 

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